danielk
Registered: 08/27/08
Posts: 2
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| #1 |
I lost my dear friend Ruby yesterday. I feel so much sadness and guilt because she drowned in my swimming pool (a place she loved to be). I had my back turned for just a few minutes when it happened. She was a gift to me and has been my source of love and inspiration for the past 12 years. I have a newborn daughter and wife that needs me but it is difficult to do anything but cry and think of my dog. I hope this pain goes away quickly, but I know it will not. The bond between Ruby and I was so strong - I can't believe that just like that, it is now over. It was so difficult to bury her in the back yard - it all just happened so fast and now my life feels so empty.
This morning as I was walking up the hill back to the house a deer pranced nearby, stopped and looked at me. I don't know it means anything, but somehow it did make me feel a little better for a minute or two.
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ForYouTysieCat
Registered: 06/22/08
Posts: 39
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| #2 |
Dear Daniel,
I am so sorry to hear about your tragic loss of Ruby. It has brought tears to my eyes and my deepest sympathy goes to you and your family.
I too lost a beloved companion, Tyson, tragically to a car. Like you I have an incredible bond to my Tysie cat. I let him out the back door and within 10 minutes my mobile was ringing and I was told he had passed. So I understand the guilt you feel, and the bewilderment that Ruby was with you one minute and gone the next.
It is really hard, and your grief journey has really only just begun, but take comfort in the fact that things will get a little better (bit by bit) as each week goes by. This Sunday will be 15 weeks since my beautiful boy passed on, and I have to say that (while my life will never be the same) my life is going on - and good things have happened since Tysie's departure. These wonderful things that have happened I truly believe are at his hands, because he is now looking after me, my husband and our cats Jackson and Taylor.
I can also understand how hard it must be to feel like you have to go on when you feel so sad. There have been many times that I have felt selfish in my sadness, guilty for my outpouring of grief - in that Ive felt like Ive neglected the ones I love who are still here (like my husband). What Ive found is that there is no right or wrong way to grieve and don't feel bad for feeling bad. And you need to honor your sadness and truly experience it so that you can work through it and find a happy place in your heart again - and this will happen, I can assure you!
You know I cant help but think that things happen for a reason, and that really there was little you, me or anyone on this website could have done to prevent the inevitable. Because of this, we cannot feel guilt or responsibility for the passing of our beloved creatures. Its easy to blame yourself - trust me Ive beaten myself up A LOT in the beginning - but somehow you need to have faith in the divine plan and take comfort that everything that is happening right now is happening for a reason.
We all have a journey - we have a beginning when we enter the world and we have a point at which we leave this world. I don't believe that this departure is the end of our journey though - just the end of our time in that body on earth. Over the past 15 weeks Ive had experiences that have suggested to me that my beautiful boy is alive and well on the other side and I imagine your beautiful Ruby is much the same.
You know, Ive learned a lot of stuff about myself and developed a whole new array of beliefs about life, death and the afterlife since Tyson's passing - these new theories have born a completely new and refreshed outlook on life. A good friend of mine is a psychic/medium and he told me days after Tyson's passing (note I say passing because while his body is gone his spirit lives on) that in time I would be thankful and even grateful for his passing. At the time this made me hysterical but looking back on the last 15 weeks he was actually right. The reason I am sharing this with you is that, in time, you will come to see Ruby's passing as a catalyst for many wonderful experiences and new insights - and you can be thankful for it will all be because of Ruby!
I think the greatest lesson our beloved companions have to teach us is one of undying unconditional love. I also think that when our animals pass they stay with us - watching over us. More than anything else they want us to be happy because they love us very much - even though they are not physically here. They will send us a number of signs to convey this message of love - it could be the deer or any other animal that you see (from what Ive read this is very common), a song you hear, a rainbow in the sky, etc. I think when this happens to me that it is Tysie letting me know he's still here and that he loves me more than ever. No doubt Ruby has the same message for you too.
Well, Ive probably gas bagged on way too much - but I felt compelled to share with you my heartfelt sympathy and my experience so far. I hope that this offers you some comfort and possibly even some hope for the future.
Know that Ruby is always with you.
Mel
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danielk
Registered: 08/27/08
Posts: 2
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| #3 |
Dear Mel,
Thank you for your kind words. I appreciate your thoughts and I hope that others who read what you have said also find comfort.
It has been almost a week now since Ruby died suddenly and of course I still think of her and miss her constantly. My extended family all came to our house to visit this Labor Day weekend, which helped me tremendously because they are all animal lovers as well and gave me comfort and allowed me to be open with my feelings.
It is now back to normal around here in this quiet house without my special friend. I miss her presence which used to fill this house in the form of barking and crying for attention and cuddling in bed with my wife and I. She is at rest now and I visit her grave every day with a new flower and a prayer. I hope that we meet again someday - I do not cry as much but I am resisting the healing somewhat, only because I do not want my memory of her to begin to fade. She brought me so many happy moments so I feel that her spirit within me still deserves my attention.
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ForYouTysieCat
Registered: 06/22/08
Posts: 39
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| #4 |
Dear Daniel,
After reading your story I really felt for you, and it actually comforted me too to know that Im not alone in this experience.
I think its wonderful that you have the support of animal lovers in your family and friends. I also think its great that you buried Ruby at your house - this way you can always be with her. We buried Tyson at my husbands parents place (a yard he played in a lot as a kitten) because we are currently renting our house and I didnt want Tysie to be somewhere we couldnt always go back to.
I totally understand your concerns about not wanting your memory of Ruby to fade. When I first lost Tysie I was terrified that I would start to forget things about him - the way he smelled, the wonderful quirky things he used to do. The thought of his memory passing with him was all consuming and that alone would drive me to tears.
So, because of this fear I took action to memorialise my beautiful boy - activities that were in themselves really helpful then and now.
I went through all my photos of Tyson and picked some favourites - it was at times gut wrenching but at the same time it was like a trip down memory lane looking back at all the great times we shared. With these photos, I had them developed and put into frames all around the house - our bedroom, hallway, living room. This way no matter where I am in the house Tyson is always with me. I even have a photo of him on my mobile so when Im feeling a bit sad or lost I can look at him.
With all these wonderful photos I also started (and am still working on) a scrapbook/album. In this I have photos of him as a kitten, Ive written down stories of him, all the different nicknames we had for him (Tyson went by MANY names!), and even song lyrics that make me think of him or what he means to me.
By going through these photos and writing all my stories, all of a sudden the memories came flooding back. And funnily enough I probably remember more of our happy memories now than I did in the first few weeks of Tyson's passing. I think this is because for the first few weeks all my mind focused on was our last day together, the hours/minutes leading up to his passing, and the tragic way that he passed.
But with time Ive realised that Tyson's memory is best honored by everything that he is - and not his final moments in this life. So now I remember the amazing creature that he is, the joyful life we shared - and this memory will never fade away. So dont be fearful of forgetting Ruby - that wont happen - and in time once you've moved past the initial shock (this took me about 3-4 weeks) you will find all of your wonderful memories of Ruby come flooding back to you.
No doubt with the special love and life that you shared with Ruby that you both will be reunited - it sounds like you had an incredible soul connection with your beautiful girl. You have been together before and you will be together again.
Till then, take care, have faith and know that Ruby is always with you.
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ksp
Registered: 11/29/08
Posts: 3
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| #5 |
Dear Daniel, I am so sorry for your loss. I know the pain can be unbearable at times. You wonder if it will ever end. It kind of makes me think of young people who die. Then I somehow believe that everyone and every pet must have a time to be born and a time to die. The guilt you feel is a burden that will somehow pass.
I felt tremendous guilt when I had to have my little buddy put to sleep in July. I took him into the vet for a sonogram since he was not himself. Being 15 years old I knew his life was coming to a close deep in my heart. But to make the decision to let him go was the hardest thing I have ever done.
He is finally at peace and can play again.
This winter I noticed one thing, I've always fed the birds but I have an incredible amount of different kinds of birds. It brings me joy to watch and I know my buddy Vinney is watching over us to. The deer that paid you a visit I believe was a visit from your precious Ruby telling you she is happy and she loves you. God bless you and your family.
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