Rowina’s Gift

the light of my heart,

Empress Rowina Flabina Wilhelmina Honey Roe

given royal status by a little girl who finally stopped crying

the day she met you and threw her sad arms

around your strong furry neck and you

kissed her on the nose and cheek

and she smiled

you literally fell out of the sky into my arms

laughing eyes and pinkest tongue

you knew I was yours before we ever met

I knew I was yours the moment you looked at me

one serious moment frozen in time

when you said, “remember me?” and my soul answered

with “yes” and “forever”

north to Denver, we lasted one night sleeping on a strange floor

you positioned yourself between the door and me

and growled when you heard footsteps in the middle of the night

we left hours before dawn, and you stood guard

on the deserted windy highway

as I cried at the dark phone booth with nowhere to go

across the Mohave Desert in the brown Toyota truck

to California and the Pacific Ocean

you stood looking out to sea and smelled the deep ocean breeze

solemn and knowing we walked the beach with beloved Bear Dog

he stood and barked at the ocean then leapt around us

wiggling and bounding

still nowhere to go

back to the desert the mesas canyonlands volcanoes

you and baby Bear Dog disappeared but you found your way back

days later appearing in the back of the truck at three in the morning

forlorn and hanging your head whenever you hear Bear Dog’s name

he’s waiting for you now, and is wiggling and leaping and acting silly

through the violence and more violence

always you were there to find me and to tell me

“it will be okay”

and it was okay when I buried my face in your fur

and your pink tongue kissed my nose and my cheek

Christmas snows in the Sandias,

spring and summer nights and mornings in mountain ranges across new mexico, 

moonrises and sunsets at the Gulf of Mexico

and hours and hours at Cochiti Lake

watching herons and looking for deer

you’ve swum in the Pacific ocean, chased seagulls at the Gulf of Mexico

survived a fall off a cliff on Mount Taylor

kept a rattlesnake at bay while I darted past it up a dark staircase

to escape the  horrible secret basement,

you kept me warm on winter nights

and kept my heart safe both day and night

for thousands of days and thousands of nights

They wait for you now, and I’ve seen you run with them in your dreams

The way you throw your head and smile

The way you raise your front paws and yip with joy

Bear Dog, Lilly, Shiloh, Thunder, and all the others

So close I can almost see them myself

no more gunshots or starvation

the day you found me

now, the day I let you go

the end of pain and suffering and fear

now

fields of soft grass and giant shade trees overhanging

gentle clear creeks running down from far-away mountains

a body that can run and jump and play

eyes that can see and lungs that take in air easily

my dearest and most beloved companion

you know I love you more than mere words can convey

and that for you I say goodbye today

never goodbye to you my dearest friend

but goodbye only to your suffering

in the blink of an eye we will meet again

not a day will go by that I will not miss you

and not a night will pass without my heart skipping a beat

when I think of you

oh Rowina, Honey Roe

my Baby Roe Bean

run in the tall grass and lay in the sun

this time of suffering is over

and the time of new life has begun

run and play, my Baby Roe Bean, run and play….